Marathon Bloopers ( Don’t Be That Runner)
Us marathon runners are a truly special group of folk. The small group of people that are willing to wake up and run 26.2 miles to get a medal that is largely worthless, but means everything to only us. We work hard for that medal. And we make some mistakes along the way. The purpose of this article is to highlight, laugh really hard at, and hopefully eliminate some common marathon bloopers.
- Lack of Organization:
It usually takes me about 10 attempts before the pins that attach my bib to my shirt are somewhat close to even(sometimes more). So the last thing I’d wanna do is have to concentrate on is evening out those stupid little pins on race day morning. The thought of me accidentally pricking one of my fingers while I’m half asleep just sounds like the ultimate morning ruin-er.
I like to make sure my bib is pinned to my shirt the day before, and kept with every single thing that’s headed with me to the start line. There’s nothing worse than having to look for a bunch of stuff on the morning of the race (well maybe there is, but that’s debatable/ read on).
2. Not losing a few pounds before you leave the house:
It’s very fitting that this lands at number 2. So I’ll be frank about it, I’m not going anywhere until I blow up the bathroom! It’s a firm rule in my book. Even if it means not showing up at all and having to take a DNF. I’m not doing it! The horrifying thought of standing in those long bathroom lines with the bubble guts, wondering if you’ll make it to the front of the line before the race starts? Why subject myself to that type of anxiety? And God forbid having to stop mid race to use one of those grotesque, stinking porta pottys, YUCK!! I like to show up the start line feeling nice and light. And it might be a bit cruel of me to admit, but I’m going to. I’m always astonished as walked to the front of those bathroom lines on race day morning to handle “the less than serious” business, & all these guys are standing in line to take a crap (Try not to laugh Carlos!). God bless em. Not losing a few pounds before you leave the house, a VERY big mistake in my book. Drop a load before you hit the road. And race day morning will go that much smoother.
(And stay away from those frozen burritos. They really tear your stomach up).
3. Zig Zag Runners:
The first few miles tend to be a bit cluttered. And it never fails. There’s always that runner that apparently thinks he/ she is so much faster than the rest of us. In fact these runners are so inspired to get ahead of the pack that they feel like it’s necessary to hop in and out of small spaces, zig zagging to find any inch of room to get ahead of the pack. This is stupid for a few reasons. One, everybody knows that the shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line. The “zig zag runner” is only making the course longer for his or herself ( I don’t know about you, but 26.2 miles is long enough for me). Two, it’s dangerous. These runners risk tripping and falling, or the same for other runners for sake of getting .10 of a mile ahead of he rest of us. And three, it simply doesn’t work. I can specifically recall seeing 2 zig zaggers holding their knees by mile 10. Hey buddy, you’re not faster than the rest of us. You’ll get there when you get there. We have 26.2 miles to go. There’s no rush.
In Conclusion:
Now that Ive made a complete mockery of the running culture that I’m apart of. I’d also like to say hey, nobody is perfect. So I’m not judging anyone (but some things are just stupid). Train and prepare the way you want. Just make sure your get your medal on race day.
